Stories and Stuff

Stories and Stuff

Touch of Comfort
by Ryan Schuderer

                When my dad was asking for miracle stories for this website. I never knew it would be such a difficult task. Miracles are supposed to be happy things. As far as what has happened after my brother’s death, however miraculous certain events have been, the hole still remains. The following events have helped make that hole a little bit smaller.

                When Noel came back from overseas it was like we hadn’t been apart for even a day. We didn’t make any big hubbub about his return although I missed him immensely and I know he missed me too. Same old Noel. The times we spent together over this time were about the same. We always liked to play video games and just hang out and joke. We listened to a lot of good music and even sang karaoke (although he’d never admit to it). This in itself, to me, is a miracle. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another couple of months. He even got to entertain everyone with his fire-stick routine at my nephew’s birthday party. These things I will always remember most vividly because I finally had my brother and best friend back in the country. Thank God he was home.

                I don’t even remember what time my dad called me the night he found Noel. I just remember knowing before my poor father even completed his sentence. I still have a hard time thinking about that night for obvious reasons. It’s just a horrible dream my mind cannot erase. This wasn’t happening, I told myself, this can’t be real. But it was just all too real. I promised my parents I wouldn’t go home to an empty house so I went to my friend Patrick’s house. All of our close friends were there. If it wasn’t for them I don’t know what I would have done. They are all miracles in my mind.

                I finally made it home. It was still dark. Nobody pinched me to wake me up. Anyone who’s lost someone close to them knows the panic and the sickly feeling. It’s kind of like falling into a dark hole not knowing what or where the bottom is. My brain was about ready to unravel. The only thing I could do to try and stop was to just lay down and try to sleep. I wept. Nothing was right. "How could my brother have died? What the hell am I going to do? Please let me fall asleep before I lose my mind." This stream of consciousness was halted all of a sudden. My mind just went blank. My eyes were closed but I could sense somebody there sitting on the edge of the bed. Dave, my roommate and close friend had long since gone to bed and there was nobody else in the house. I felt a hand rubbing my back. I knew who it was and I just couldn’t believe what was happening. All I could hear in my head was my brother’s voice saying, “It’s going to be okay, Ryan.” I’m pretty sure I fell asleep after that. I sure as hell didn’t open my eyes because I didn’t want him to leave. Thanks for your help, Noel. Don’t ever do that again! Makes me sound like a lunatic. But that wasn’t the end of the story. (Please read The Not-So-Gentle Hint.)