One guy who was literary was Robert Frost. He wrote a lot of stuff about fairies and sprites and silly stuff like that. Eventually, he wrote about a hired guy and another guy who fell down a hill with a lantern. I guess if you write enough stuff, eventually someone will like it.

Another literary guy was Tolstoy. He wrote War & Peace which was a very big book, so that’s pretty literary.

Charles Dickens wrote A Tale of Two Cities. He started out by saying it was the best of times and it was the worst of times. That’s called a “literary device.” It was real clever because it gave him a lot of latitude to work in.

Ayn Rand is another literary person. You should actually read what she wrote so you don’t have to go around saying she was a Communist. She was pretty smart, which is good for a literary person to be. I saw her once on television, so that makes her famous.

Isaac Asimov wrote some stuff too, but he’s not literary because he wrote science fiction and science facts stuff and the literary people never invited him to their dinner parties. But he was used to that because he just liked to stay home and write things anyway.

Yogi Berra wrote a book, but he’s not literary. Funny, though.

Henry David Thoreau was pretty literary. He went and sat by a pond and wrote a nice book about it. I think everybody should get to do that at least once.

James Hilton wrote about an imaginary place called Shangri-La and nobody knows where it is. Sir Thomas More wrote about a place called “Utopia.” That means “nowhere.” So, basically, if you want to be literary, you should write about places nobody knows about because then they can’t check up on you.

T.H. White wrote a book called The Once and Future King. It had almost 700 pages. That’s pretty literary. They probably invited him to those parties where they have those tiny little sandwiches called whores’ drawers. But they ostracized him after a while because he forgot some stuff in the book and he had to get another one published called, “The Book of Merlyn.” Since it’s a small book, I think they could have squeezed it into the other book. I mean, what’s the difference between seven hundred pages or seven hundred and fifty pages?